


The challenge

by notamasochist



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: 60s batman inspired, F/M, Gold Digging, Jealousy, M/M, Multi, Other, Polyamory, The united underworld, Work In Progress, don't take this seriously, this belongs in the trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-09-30 04:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10153790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notamasochist/pseuds/notamasochist
Summary: Selina Kyle accidentally challenges Joker to gold dig Bruce Wayne, noone is happy about this, expect the clown prince himself.





	1. Chapter 1

The Catwoman, Selina Kyle, stormed into the lair as mad as a bat. "Damn, that man!" She shouted as she removed her heels. Apparently the party she went to didn't turn out that well. "What's the matter, kittycat?" Joker asked before dodging a heel that was aimed for his face. "I'll tell you what's the matter! That fuck boy, Bruce freaking Wayne, rejected me! That's the third time this month!" Selina ranted as she walked into her room to slip into something actually more comfortable.The riddler shook his head. 

"Maybe you should stop focusing on rich meat-heads and start focusing on helping us rob a bank or two, you feline hussy." He complained. Catwoman walked out of her room wearing a night dress and fluffy pajama pants. It was cold in the lair."Well, maybe I would if you wouldn't tell batman where to get us every time!" She practically hissed. The riddler sprang up. "You know I need to! You fucking whore!”

Joker stood in between them. “Villains, villains, calm down. Kittycat, even though I find Riddler’s riddles bland, they are not the reason we fail. We fail because it's batman. Riddler, just as you consider your crimes an art, Kittycat sees her scamming of rich men like an art form and just like you, she sucks at it.” The clown prince bursts out laughing.

“Well, I’d like to see you do better.” Selina snapped as she turned away from the both of them.

This made Joker pause, he thought for a moment before walking passed Selina towards the rooms. “Alright, I'll do it.” He exclaimed.

“Do what?” Riddler asks with eyes wide.

“And where are you going?” Catwoman asked as Joker walked passed his own room.

“Well, Kittycat, I can't use my own makeup.” He stated as he walked into her room. Joker came out with her makeup bag.

“Hey!” She stormed after him. Riddler was not long after. Catwoman kicked open the door to Joker’s room. “Did I say you could touch my shit?” Her tone was annoyed.

Joker was sitting at his vanity table, sorting out Selina’s makeup. “I'm not touching your shit, I'm touching your makeup. I know it's hard to tell the difference.”  He smirked without looking up.

“And what are you doing with it?”

“I'm trying to figure out how to look for our little challenge.” The green haired man stated as he wiped his face clean. “I certainly can't go in normal attire.”

“What little challenge?” Riddler asked.

“Oh, Eddie, please do try to keep up. You're supposed to be the smart one after all. Kittycat challenged me to make Bruce Wayne my sugar daddy.” Joker stated as he dabbed Catwoman’s foundation on his face and neck. His unnatural pale skin turned into a shade more human.

“You can't be serious. You don't even know if Bruce likes men. That will never work.” Selina stated.

“I agree with her. You should not do this. This will not end well for any of us.” Riddler re-enforced.

“The more you two protest, the more I’m determined to do it. It’ll be fun to show you up, Kittycat.” The two watched him in disbelief as he applied blush, mascara, nude lipstick, and brown eyeshadow.

“Wow, you’re starting to look like a human.” Selina snarkily commented.

“I wouldn’t recognize you.” Riddler agreed. “So, how far are you going to go with this joke?” 

Joker was carefully drawing on eyebrows. “I’ll keep going until it stops being funny.” He reached into a drawer and pulled out some spraycans. “Mmm, what color should my hair be? Perhaps….” He sprayed his hair and the green turns into yellow. 

“Presuming that he does take a liking to you. Are you going to let him have his way?” The thin man avoided eye contact with the other.

“Do you not know what sugar daddy means, Eddie?” Joker stuck his tongue out. “When the next event Bruce Wayne’s going to, Kittycat?”

“N-next month, I believe.”

“Perfect.” He clapped his hands together. “I can get some more appropriate clothes by then.”

“He’s going to notice your skin when you take off your clothes. What are you going to do then?” Riddler pointed out.

“It’s called turning off the lights, today is not your day is it?”


	2. Chapter 2

It was party time. The big day, the day the clown prince of crime was going to take part in a challenge. The challenge to make Bruce Wayne his. After Selina Kyle realized that she wasn’t going to talk him out of it, she decided to help him. She helped him pick out some clothes. She coached him on how to act in social events. She even taught him how to dance. After Riddler realized he wasn’t going to be talked out of it, he grumpily watched in the corner. 

The three stood outside the place where the charity ball was going to be held. Selina was in a black sparkly dress. Edward (Riddler) was in his classic look, a green suit, minus the question marks of course. Joker was all gussied up with his disguised. He was wearing a cream colored suit with a lavender tie.

“Last chance to back out, clown.” Edward whispered. “We could just go home and forget all about this silly challenge.” His voice was filled with disdain.

“Stop being such a sour puss, Eddie. No one forced you to come.” Joker playfully slapped his arm. “Kittycat, you know Bruce. Do you think I look normal enough for him?” 

“You look purr-fect, clown.” Selina placed her hands on her hips. “Now, come on you two. Escort me inside.” The three linked arms, headed inside, then found an empty table.

“I guess it’s good thing the bird’s not here.” Joker stated.

“Why’s that?” Edward questioned.

“We would have looked uneven with our arms linked.” He replied.

“We could have went in two groups.”

“You and the arctic bird would kill each other before we got to the table.”

“Shut up, you two. He’s looking at us.” Selina Kyle snapped.

Bruce Wayne was staring at them from the bar, no doubt he recognized Selina. Selina smiled and waved. “Let me speak to him, first then I’ll call you over. Before that, What’s your name, Joker?”

“Joe Kerrcard. We met at an art museum in munich and were besties ever since.” 

“Right. I’ll be going now. Riddler, behave.” Selina pointed a finger at him as she said the last word. She then left to go talk to Bruce.

“Selina, I wondered when you were going to show up.” Bruce had a slight smirk on his face and a glass full of alcohol in his hand. The woman sat next to him. 

“Bruce, I have to ask a favor from you.”

The billionaire shook his head. “I’m not going to join your swingers club, Miss. Kyle.” He laughed to himself. Selina’s eyes widen and she mouthed ‘okay’. 

“What makes you think I’m in swingers club?”

“The two pieces of meat you had on your arms.”

Selina laughed. “They are nothing but toys. You know that.”

“Of course.” He took another drink. “What’s the favor?”

“Involves one of the toys over there.” Selina gestured with her head. “He’s been dying to meet you ever since he found out I knew you.” She rolled her eyes as the bartender sat a drink in front of her.

“How did I know?” Bruce shook his head.

“Just give him a chance, Bruce. That’s all I’m asking. He really has his heart set on talking to you tonight.” Selina made a pouty face. The billionaire sighed.

“Which one is he and what’s his deal?”

“The blonde. His name is Joe and I met him at an art museum. We’ve been thick as thieves ever since. He’s a wannabe comedian, but don’t tell him I said that.” Selina took a long, deep drink of her drink. “Ready to meet him?”

“I guess I’m ready as I’ll ever be.”

Selina stood up and beckoned the blonde to come over. Joker laughed and clapped several times before making his way over there.

He took Selina’s seat and faced Bruce. With a smile on his face, he extended his hand out “Bruce Wayne, this is Joe Kerrcard. Joe, this is-”

Joker cut her off with a chuckle. “I know who this is.” He clasped the billionaire’s hand with both of his shook a little too roughly.

Selina shook her head and grabbed her drink. “Good luck, rich boy.” She said more to herself as she made her back to her table.

“This is going to be fun, don't you think Edward?”

Edward responded by stealing her glass and chugging it.

“That's rude, Ed. You’re lucky that I don't have my claws out.” Her tone was teasing. He didn't notice, he was too busy watching the two at the bar.

Suddenly a smile appeared on his face. Edward stood up and offered Selina his hand. “Would you care for a dance?”  

Selina shrugged before taking his hand. “Sure, it beats just sitting around here.”

The two villains slow danced together. It was a little clumsy since Riddler kept stepping off beat. “I swear if you step on my toes one more-” He hushed her.

“I'm trying to hear what they're saying.”

“Trying to hear what whose sayi-” The Catwoman was cut off again but this time by him dipping her. “Oh, I see now.” Riddler had them dancing close to the bar.

When she got back up, she pressed herself against Edward. They turned so they can both see them. “Have you heard anything?”

“No.”

“Well, whatever they are talking about. They look like they're having having fun.”

The two men at the bar did appear to be having fun. Well, as much fun as Bruce Wayne allowed himself to have. Suddenly Joker noticed his friends staring. A light went on in his head. He stood up and did the unthinkable. The clown prince pulled Bruce out onto the dance floor.

Joker’s dancing made Riddler’s look professional. At this point Selina and Edward went made to their seats to watch this train wreck from a safe distance. This would definitely be in the tabloids.

“Look, Eddie. It seems we don't have to do this much longer. Look how uncomfortable Bruce looks, poor-rrr thing.”

Edward smiled with relief. “Hopefully you are right, Cat.” 

A sound went off to indicate the bidding was about to start. Joker grabbed Bruce’s hand and patted his back. He said something like ‘See you soon.’ The billionaire responded by nodding. The two parted way. Joker went back to their table.

“You ready to give this up, so we can get started on our real work?” Edward whispered as Joker sat down.

“Why would I do that?” Joker smiled as if he had no care in the world.

“Because you lost. There's no way in hell, he's going to have you after the thing you just pulled.”

“Oh, really? “ Joker asked as a staff member walked up to the table. He sat down a drink and a card. The card had a phone number on it and said “Bruce Wayne - Call me.”

“What was that, Eddie, dear?” He asked in a sickly sweet tone before taking a drink.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My riddles suck))

Dick Grayson watched as his mentor, Bruce Wayne, studied himself in the mirror.  “You didn’t really invite that strange man over, did you Bruce?” The billionaire adjusted his tie. “Of course I did, Dick. I don’t want to give away too much, but let’s just say he reminds me of a certain friend of ours.”

The young ward stood straight up. “Who?” Bruce reached over and grabbed two newspapers. He then threw them to Dick. “Just a certain clown we know.” He caught and began to study the two newspapers. One was about the gala and had a picture of Bruce Wayne and some mysterious man dancing. The other one had a mugshot of the clown prince of crime, The Joker.

“Holy doppelganger! They look exactly the same, just recolored!” The young man exclaimed. “ Exactly Dick.” “So, they are the same person?” 

          The sound of the doorbell ringing. The two share a look of understanding. “That's what I attend to find out and if they are the same then what's his game? We better head off to greet our guest, old chum.”

          “Bruce Wayne!” Joe shouted in a friendly way, when they opened the door. He then wrapped the billionaire in a hug. “It was so nice of you to invite me to your loving home, Brucie.”

           “Please, Joe, just call me Bruce.” The billionaire insisted. “Whatever you say, Bruce.” That's when the clown prince took notice of the young man. “Oh, it's you.” Dick pointed at himself.

          “Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne’s young ward. I've got something for you, my friend insisted I give them to you. Wait a second.” Joe reopened the door and grabbed a white plastic bag, which he then handed to the young man.

         “What is it?” There seemed to be three small white boxes in the bag. “They're puzzles. They're good for kids your age.” Dick pulled one out. “There's no pictures on these boxes. How am I supposed to solve these?” “I don't know, but you're smart, or at least I'm assuming you are. I mean I figured you'd have to be, being Bruce Wayne’s ward and all.” 

Dick huffed. “Come on now, Dick. Thank our guest for his gift.” The billionaire scolded. “Thank you, Mr. Kerrcard.” The ward stared down at his feet. “Oh, my friend practically demanded I give you those puzzles as a gift.” Joe muttered something under his breathe.

~

“Oh, Eddie, you seemed so disinterested before, what’s the catch?” Joker asked while looking at the bag. “There’s no catch. I just didn’t believe you had a snowball’s chance in hell of actually gold-digging Bruce Wayne. So, now that you have a chance, I have brought it upon myself to help. We are the united underworld after all.” Riddler explained while fiddling with his hands.

“This wouldn’t happen to be one of your ‘riddles’, would it?” The clown prince eyed the other. “Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t? Who’s to say? That is up to the individual.” The Riddler gleefully giggled. “What if I don’t give this to the kid?” The Joker smirked and leaned in close to the other man. 

“Oh, but you will. You will! You need to! What else will get the kid busy while you make your move? These puzzles should keep him busy for at least an hour each, if he’s smart. That’s three hours. Imagine what you can do in three hours!”

~ 

“Dick, how about you head off somewhere to work on them puzzles, while the adults talk.” Joe suggested with a smile as always. “Yeah, that sounds like a good ideal. How about I show you around while Dick works on them puzzles? Does that sound good to everyone?” Bruce smiled and gave his young ward a look. “Sure, I guess puzzles are good for people my age.”

With that the young man ran off. “Come, Mr. Kerrcard, there are many rooms you need see.” The billionaire stated. Joe, forcibly, locked arms with the other man. “Lead the way, handsome.”

~

Bruce Wayne’s evening was filled with dodging romantic intentions, he didn’t even know he should have been dodging. Joker’s evening was filled with a mixed of self assurance that everything was going to plan and anxiousness. Dick’s evening was him working on those puzzles. Meanwhile, The Riddler was back at the liar suffering.

“I hate this!” He stated while pacing around like mad. “He shouldn’t be doing this! Penguin should have never went over there and left us alone for so long. He would agree with me, that Joker shouldn’t be doing  _ that. _ ” Catwoman sat on the table filing her nails. “What’s wrong, Riddler? Why shouldn’t he be doing this? It’s just a harmless game he’s playing.” She said this nonchalantly. 

Riddler slammed his hands down on the table. “What if he decides that he likes that game better? What if that foolish clown leaves  _ us _ ? What if-” She cut him off with a finger. “Riddler, fur shame. We both know even though we all have our fits, this organization is one of the best things that’s happened to us. That clown loves it here, if he didn’t he wouldn’t have stayed more than a week.”

“That’s true, I suppose.” The thin man sighed. “Besides if any of us was to leave, we all know it would be me.” Riddler shrugged, he couldn’t argue with that. “I still want to go by there.” He stated. It was her turn to sigh, “Fine, just don’t do anything stupid.”

~

 

It was a little past nightfall. Dick was still in his room. He just finished the last puzzle. The first one was a picture of the joker card, the second one was of miners, and the last one was of the Wayne corp lego. “Joker card mines Wayne?” He shook his head. That wasn’t right. 

“Joker card, Joe Kerrcard! Joe Kerrcard gold-digs Bruce Wayne! That’s weird, but there’s nothing else it could mean. Bruce, I’m coming.”

~

Bruce finally caught ahold of what dear Joe was up too. After he lost the other man, he found him in one of the bedrooms. The room was dark, but you could he still tell that Joe was stripped to his boxers and laying on the bed. “ Joe, what are you doing?” The billionaire asked in the calmest voice possible for the situation. 

“Why don’t you come over here and find out, big boy?” Joe beckoned him to come closer. Bruce did come closer but not for any naughty reasons. While Joe was throwing himself upon the billionaire, the billionaire was reaching for the lamp light, so he could expose him for The Joker. Little did the billionaire know was there was someone else in this room.

“What is a common name for a demolition man and a whore? The answer, a homewrecker!” Those were the last words Bruce Wayne heard before he was hit over the head and blacked out. 

~ 

“Bruce!” Dick Grayson busted into a now empty room.


	4. Chapter 4

“What have you two done?!” The catwoman hissed. “Why is Bruce Wayne here and where is Joker’s pants?” She gestured as she talked. “He wouldn’t be here if Riddler didn’t knock him out.” Joker cursed.

“He was about to turn on the lights. I was bailing you outta there.” The Riddler explained. “That sounds like a lousy excuse to me.” Joker clicked his tongue. “I don't understand why you did that, you turned my harmless fun into a mess that might take us all down.”

          Riddler turned away and started pacing around the lair. “I know why he did it, he's mad. He's mad for you, Clown. It must have hurt him too much to see you in bed with someone outside our foursome.” Catwoman got close and explained. 

        “What?” The clown prince shouted in confusion. “Riddler! Riddler! Riddler!” He called while he tried to catch up with the energetic man. “Eddie.” The Riddler stopped in his tracks.

        “What's this all about? I thought we all agreed that we could all sleep with whoever, when we started this relationship.” Joker forced Riddler to face him. The man in green stared down at his feet.

       “When we agreed to that I was thinking more like Selina and her toys, or, perhaps nameless girls on the streets.” Riddler shook his head. “I don't know.”

     “But Bruce Wayne is just a game, Eddie.” Joker smiled and took the other's hand. “Exactly, Joker. Everything is a game to you. What if, what if you decided you liked that game more than this one.” 

      “Oh, darling, the only thing that really made that game fun was seeing how much it bothered you.” Joker teased. Riddler’s eyes met the other's. “The way you fussed and fumed in the corner and looks on your face was to kill for, Eddie.”

     “Really?” A shred of happiness appeared on his face. The clown prince pulled the other man close in an embrace. “Of course. What fun could I see in a piece of white bread like Bruce Wayne? I mean besides that fat cash.” Joker started to chuckle. “I probably would have ended up killing him very quickly. Why would I ever want to hang out with wet paint, when I have you crazies?” The two men laughed wildly while wrapped around each other.

“I’d hate to ruin the moment, but we still have an unconscious billionaire with us!” Selina screeched. “I understand why you knocked him out, but why did you bring him here and where fur heaven’s sake is Joker’s pants?!” She stomped the ground a few times.

The two men stared at her. “You could have just left him knocked out on the floor.” She pointed out. “Oh, shit….” Riddler trailed off. “Kittycat has got a point.” The clown prince stated as he let go of the other man. 

“I suppose we panicked, Cat, and since you’re so caught up with Joker’s pants, he lost them in the bushes.” Riddler said, then started chewing on his finger. Joker suddenly perked up and clapped his hands together. “Sleeping beauty is still asleep! We can just ditch him in a random park or something.” The clown suggested. The other criminals nodded and they creeped upon the billionaire.

“I’ll put a bag on his head, you two drag him to the car.” Joker whispered as he grabbed the cloth bag. The two other villains picked up the tied up billionaire and just as Joker was about to put the bag on his head. Grey eyes shot open.

“You vile villains.” Bruce cursed as they quickly let go of him and let him fall to the ground. Joker threw the cloth over his shoulder.  “There goes that.”

Selina smiled, happy that she was in her catwoman getup as of this moment. “Hello, Mr. Wayne. Have a nice catnap?” She purred and waved at him, showing off her claws. “No, I'm still in a nightmare.” He stated. “What are you planning to do with me?”

“All in due time, Mr. Wayne.” The catwoman smiled. “Riddler, get some goons in here to watch him.” She snapped. The man was already on it. He raced to the end of the lair where there was a white sheet and a construction sign. As soon as he lifted the sheet, sounds of construction could be heard echoing throughout the liar.

“Hey, we need two men in here!” Riddler shouted out. Suddenly the noises stopped and two young men stepped out. Riddler pointed to catwoman and they nodded. Quickly, they rushed over to her.

“Watch Mr. Wayne here for us, while the adults talk. Okay, sweeties?” The catwoman patted them on the back and then began to head off. “Joker, please put on some pants and come meet Riddler and I in the other room.” With that her and Riddler went off into the area cut off with a sheet.

Joker nodded and went off into one of the rooms. There was four doors right next to each other. Each one had a different image painted onto it. There was a bowtie, a question mark, a Joker card, and lastly cat ears. It was in that order. After the cat ear door, it looked like there should be another door after it, but the sheet was blocking the way.

Bruce stared at the goons he was left with. Both were fit, attractive young men. They also both wore plain black turtlenecks. “Are you guys new around here?” The billionaire blankly asked.

“How did you know?” Asked the goon with a man bun. The one with a face tattoo smacked him on the chest. “I know, I know, goons are supposed to be seen, not heard.Through I’m not really a goon through.”

“All the other goons have custom sweaters or are dressed like pirates or something like that. So, you must be new to be wearing plain black.” Bruce stated. “How did you know that?” Man bun asked.

“The papers.” The billionaire shrugged. He stared at the two goons in front of him. They looked familiar for some reason. Man bun held his chin. “Oh, of course. Of course. I wonder when we'll get our new sweaters, tattoo?”

Tattoo response was to hit him in the chest again. Harder this time. “Oof. I'm sorry, I'm a social butterfly. You know this.” Man bun rubbed his chest. 

“I need to use the restroom.” Bruce stated. The two goons looked at each other. “Number one or number two,” asked Man bun. 

“I need to pee.” The rich man stated. Tattoo grunted and Man bun sighed. The smaller goon led Mr. Wayne to a restroom. “This one's the only one that's open right now.”

It was a huge restroom. The shower could fit about ten people and had multiple shower heads. There was a towel rack that had six towels on them. Bowtie, Question mark, Joker card, cat ears and oh. Bruce knew why these two looked familiar.


	5. Chapter 5

“We have to let that pompous bird know what’s going.” Selina stated over all the background noise. Joker raised a finger to silence her then reached down and grabbed an airhorn. The sound of it made every goon quiet. “What was that, Kittycat? I couldn’t quite hear you over the noise.” She shook her head. “I said we need to call penguin and tell him about the kitty litter we are in.” 

“I suppose we have to,” Riddler agreed, “ but who will tell him? He’ll be upset since he trusted us to behave while he’s away on business.” He began chewing on his finger, a sure sign his brain’s wheels are turning.

“Yes, the bird, surely, will be pissed. We’re interrupting him on business, he hates that, to tell him bad news, which he hates more.” Joker smiled widely. “ I vote Kittycat tells him. Hopefully he doesn’t shoot the messenger.” His giggles fill the room.

“Why am I the one who’s getting thrown under the bus?” She places her hand on hip. “Maybe hearing it from a lovely lady such as yourself will lessen the blow.” The  clown prince spoke with mock flattery. “She's a lovely lady?” Riddler asked in a quiet mutter.

“He practically hates me.” Selina stated firmly. “He practically hates everyone.” Joker recoiled. “So, why don't you call him then?” Riddler stepped in. “Wait, I agree Joker. It would be best if you told him Selina. Since you are neutral on the issue. Both Joker and I are too close to the situation.”

Catwoman sighed. “Fine.” A snap of her fingers and a goon handed her a phone. “I'm going to check on our problem. I'm not too keen with their men yet.” Before anyone could object he was on the other side of the curtain.

“This is such litter.” Selina stated as she dialed the number.

~

“Renovations should be done soon.” Oswald Cobblepot, The penguin, stated as he stared out the window while holding a glass of alcohol in one hand and his cigarette holder in the other. “I mean assuming that everything is going to plan. I can’t wait to finally be able to go home and start working with you, Twoface.” 

The half villainous Twoface/ former T.V personality Harvey Dent, stared into his glass. “Perhaps with us five combined we can finally get that cursed bat out of the way.” Twoface sighed. “You already have me and my resources, there’s no point in trying to sell the ideal to me any longer.” He took a drink from his glass. 

“Then what do you what to talk about? We have a week at most until they are done.” 

“Tell me about the others. I’ve heard quite a lot of things and I would like to know the facts.” Twoface tapped the glass on his drink, watching the condensation on his glass turn into droplets and disappear.

“Both Riddler and Joker are madmen, but for the most parts dependable. The only thing you have to beware of is Riddler’s infuriating riddles and clues to the bat. The catwoman likes to fool around with batman and honestly we’ve been considering getting rid of her.” Twoface seemed to be deep in thought.

“Is it true that you’re all dating?” They blurted out. This caught penguin off guard. “I don’t know if I would call it dating, but we are all in a relationship of sorts.” Twoface cleared his throat. “I hope you’re not assuming that I’ll be joining in on that.”

“Oh, oh no. Don’t worry. None of us are expecting that of you. Joker might mess around with you but he doesn’t mean it. Catwoman is probably the only one you have to worry about. Just spray her with water if she gets too much. That’s what I do.” A henchman walked in holding a phone. “Mr. Penguin it’s for you. It’s Catwoman.” “Speak of the devil.” Oz said as he took hold of the phone. “She’s probably going to give me a progress report, it should only take a minute.” The short man stated as he walked out onto the balcony. 

~

“I’m going to go check on Mr. Wayne.” Riddler said, without anyone really talking notice. It was worrisome when he saw that the rich boy wasn’t in the room they left him in. He began to search the lair. He found Face tattoo standing outside the restroom door. “Is Mr. Wayne in there?” The goon shook his head and opened the door. “Oh, hello, Mr. Riddler, sir.” Man Bun was there sitting on the sink counter and Bruce was peeing. “I guess knocking isn’t in the villain code.” The billionaire joked.  

Riddler shook his head and looked away. “I didn’t expect you to actually be peeing.” Bruce finished and zipped up his pants with his tied up hands. “What else would I be doing?” He demanded. “Trying to escape by tricking the newbies into untying you.” The billionaire shakes his head. “No, just peeing. Well, while you’re still here,why does Harvey get two towels?” 

“Don’t start that, battles have been fought over that, Wayne. Bring him back into the main room boys.” Riddler snapped and headed back to the construction area.

~

Harvey could hear a lot of angry penguin noises coming from the balcony.

~

“Let me speak to that clown, Selina.” Penguin yelled into the phone. Selina sighed and handed Joker the phone as Riddler entered the room. “Home of Oswald’s Jackasses, can I take a message?” The clown prince spoke calmly into the phone. “What the fuck were you thinking?” The clown pushed the speaker button. “I just put you on speaker, Sweetie. I was challenged and I thought we could still sleep with other people.”

“When we made the agreement I was thinking nameless hussies on the street, not billionaire playboys.” Oswald stated. Riddler grabbed onto Joker’s shoulders. “That’s what I told him.” He butted in. “Before I move on to another point, but I would like to bring up the fact the Eddie was the one who knocked him out.” “But you both are assholes who brought him to the lair.” Oswald countered. 

“I’m going to bring up someone who isn’t a nameless dame, that we would all sleep with outside our clich.”  Joker spoke with confidence. “Who?” Riddler asked. “Isn’t it obvious, Brain head? It’s Batman!” “Batman?” Oz and Eddie asked at the same time. “I wouldn’t sleep with Batman.” Claimed Riddler. “Unlikely but I wouldn’t pass on it.” Stated Penguin.

“Oh, Eddie, don’t lie to yourself.” Joker suddenly pushed Riddler backwards, making him land in a wheelbarrow. “Hey!” The skinny man called out as the other began pushing the wheelbarrow. “Imagine, meeting Batman under a starry night.” He pushes him to a night backdrop. “He takes you to a museum and you two talk intelligibly all night talking about all of life’s mysteries.” The backdrop switches to a museum scene. “Then after that fun he takes you to a hotel and you two start making out on the bed. Doesn’t that sound like a good time?”

Riddler is messing with his fingers. “A little bit. How does this scene end?” Joker bursts into laughter. “With you two dead. I would kill you both if you dared.”

~

Oswald entered the room. “That didn’t sound like good news, Penguin.” TwoFace pointed out. “It wasn’t. We need to get to the lair now.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
